Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
