Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
