my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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