So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
