Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
