Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
