Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
