I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
