That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
