just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
