Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We don't watch enough power rangers
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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