I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
