I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
