Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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