so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
