Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
