she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
