Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
