Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
