Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
