he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
