I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
