A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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