Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
