I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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