My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
