Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
