well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
