four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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