Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
