I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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