Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
