we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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