Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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