My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
