I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
