I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
