Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
