I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
