last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize