On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
