Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
