if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
