you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
