Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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