I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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