it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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