so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
