I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
