Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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