If i come over, it means nothing
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
