ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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