The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
