Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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