omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
