I just threw up on my dentist
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
