I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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