She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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