I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
