Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
