I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
