i jhust puked up my retainher.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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