why do cheetos always look like penises
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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