that's an acceptable place to lick
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
