3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
youre lurking in front of me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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