Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
