I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
