I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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