so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
