eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
