she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
