he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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