How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
