she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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