It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
