Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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