weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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